Albert K. Park

                      The other day I was reading in the latest Men's Health that when surveyed, women said that their favorite body parts on a man were in the following order:

4. Butt
5. Chest

                        This is good information to know guys but, what the surveyors and most women don't consider is how you get them to notice all this stuff if your not walking around in a t-shirt and shorts all the time. After all I live in Washington and it rains half the damn time. Our typical outfits include a pair of jeans and Rain jacket of some sort.

                          So how do you get women to notice you before you can shed your jacket and show off your guns and 6 pack?

                            How do you turn heads in a North Face Denali or your zip up hoodie?
Heres HOW.......................

The Theory:
             I have a friend who lifts weights a "little" but doesn't have big arms, calves, or even comes close to having a 6 pack. More of 3 pack. But when he puts on a jacket, it's like an optical illusion and appears to be a gym rat. Why? This skinny fu*ker has been genetically blessed with some broad ass shoulders and girls notice this. When he sheds the jacket and reveals himself in a t-shirt, the illusion is done but nonetheless, he gets some attention walking down the street. So there it is, big ass shoulders can be the X factor.

            You have to be able to show off what you got even underneath all your layers. After all, being bad ass doesn't just follow the seasons. We need to lose societies stereotype of only being in shape for summer time. Sometimes you need to be able to show what you got even underneath a suit, something I have to wear most days.

          So listen up Mofo's. Bad Ass Shoulders and Monster traps are going to be seen from 50 yards away from even underneath a suit and an overcoat. It's going to turn heads before you can shed the jacket to show them the goods. Think of it as, foreplay.


        How Do We Get These Bad Ass Shoulders


                        So try going heavy for 4-6 reps of 5-6 sets. If you have shoulder issues, try keeping the dumbbell in a neutral position with your palms facing your ears all the way through the movement.


Upgraded Variations
1.) Alternating Press: With alternating presses, you want to maintain one arm locked out until the other arm goes through the complete range of motion. Going down then back to the locked out position. Try to develop a rhythm.

2.) Get Your ASS up!: I stopped doing presses sitting down completley once I could go heavy enough standing. By standing up you activate so much more of your body especially your abs. A lot of guys will have some sharp back pain, try squeezing your butt to activate strong spinal support. Your back is probably not the issue but more of your form. 

-Also don't forget to try variations with no bounce/help from the legs and with a little bounce from the legs.

3.) Incorporate into a Complex: I don't usually do regular military presses with the barbell since suffering from some shoulder problems unless it's put into a complex. The basics of a complex is simple. Choose 5-8 exercises that can be performed with a barbell, complete all exercises before dropping the bar with the same amount of reps for all movements, repeat for desired sets.

Sample Complex with Military Press
1. Front Squat
2. Military Press
3. Bent over Row
4. Dead lift
5. Back squat

All for 8 reps, repeat for 3-5 sets, rest 1-2 min in between sets

Timed Shrugs
          Most guys shrug heavy and get to a point where they can't see any new results or lift any more weight. Some call this dreaded point a plateau. Do you know what I have to say about Plateua's? Fu*k Plateau's.

            This is an awesome exercise to use with the barbell or dumbbells for shurgs. I prefer dumbbells because it allows a more complex motion by trying to get your shoulders to touch your ears. Don't take that as an excuse to lift lighter, still go spine crushing weight here.

           Start off with 20-30 seconds on the clock, have your training partner time you, it's easier to stay honest and push yourself this way. For the entire time you are going to perform perfect from shrugs as fast as you can. We are working the idea of time under tension, meaning the time your muscles will stay under tension even when they aren't fully contracting. Also fast twitch fibers will be worked in the traps, something not done very often.

Ex.
2-3 sets of 20-40 sec dumbbell shrugs. (Perfect Form)

Plate raise superset with lateral fly

            This is a great finisher to help fully exhaust the shoulders to promote increased muscle growth, so don't do this in the beginning of training your shoulders. With a 45 plb, sit down. Yeah I said it sit down, on the edge of a bench and with a straight back and locked out arms raise from the down position until the plate is directylin front of your face. The plate should be falling between your legs. Perform 10-12 reps here.

             As soon as you get done, drop the plate and grab some dumbbells to perform lateral flys. Maintain a straight back with now bouncing motion and perform for again 10-12 reps. It is important to have no rest between these two movements as it will increase exhaustion.

 Closing:
               Big shoulders can help you complete your Bad Ass look. No we're not meat heads, we are the few individuals out there trying to improve ourselves everyday. If that means Big Ass Shoulders and Monster Traps, so be it. Let them talk. At least they will be talking about YOU! Until next time, stay focused, train hard, reap the rewards.

I sat in a pool of my own sweat, staring helplessly at my empty water bottle as the instructor announced in her sexy tranquil voice that we were done with the warm up.

The room was at a hellish 98 degrees and what I think was packed over maximum capacity. It had to have been a fire hazard. The only inspiration for me was the fact that there was a 10 to 1 girl to guy ratio. I had to perform some hot yoga, like a bad ass no matter how bad I sucked.

Guys this is a great place to pick up chicks if you have a decent body.

I've been hearing from a lot of female friends about how much they enjoy hot yoga and how challenging it was. Damn! They weren't joking. Not only do the positions require flexibility, the amount of isometric holds we did would make the toughest athletes tap out.

My shoulders burned, my abs ached, and my head pounded from the heat. Why would anyone put themselves through this self induced torture?

I expected sweat but did I expect 7 lbs of water to come off of me, hell no! That's right 7 pounds. I specifically weighed in before and after:

Weight before hot yoga: 181 lbs
Weight post hot yoga: 174 lbs

So who would do this to themselves? Anyone looking to lose weight or what I thought would be a great way for fighters to drop weight while being able to keep your mind on some hot hot yoga girls and not the fact that you haven't eaten anything of solid substance in a week.

It definitley was a tough workout, I mean damn anything in 98 degrees is going to be pretty damn tough.

Conclusion:
I will stop complaining ans cut to the chase. This was a pretty damn good workout and a great way to develop some isometric strength and flexibility. For all you looking to check it out here are some pointers I wish someone would have told me in advance instead of having to stop the entire class to grab a towel and water.



1.) Bring water

2.) Bring a big towel and a little towel

3.) Know its going to be roughly an hour long.

4.) Guys, maybe do some pushups before you get in there because there will be a lot of ladies and you will most likely have your shirt off. Don't be the kid who wore his t-shirt in the pool.

5.) See if there is someone you can go with who can help you with everything, so you don't look like a jackass!

6.) Breathe a lot even though the air is going to be really musty..

7.) Bring water

            
With love lingering in the air this month and Valentines day coming and going, the contagious chaos really got me thinking……..

          The other day I got the chance to catch up on the phone with a good buddy of mine. We quickly went over topics that would follow a text book catch-up; school, work, economy, art, international literature, you know the usual. As we approached our usual 15 min cut off mark we came upon the topic of “Valentines Day” dunt dunt dunnnnnnn…

        I will save you the male biased conversation and get straight to the point. Our consensus was “How much do guys really get from this hallmark holiday?” Don’t worry ladies, I’m not a complete idiot. I get it. Valentine day is an opportunity to truly show that not only do we care but we sincerely love one another, since life can get hectic at times and we can forget to verbally share our feelings. Right? Or if you are a new couple or just dating, it is a great opportunity to tell the other person how you really feel about them. Why not take a little of the hallmark holiday momentum to increase your chances. BUT…….


                   What is this fake holiday crap! Yeah it’s fun but the workload/stress ratio is heavily lopsided. Us guys run around for 2 weeks straight, stressed to the max about what to get you, where to take you, what not to say so we don’t screw the night up etc.. etc… the list goes on. Not to mention the financial number crunching that we need to make an excel spreadsheet for. Yes this is all to “woo” the ladies and don’t get me wrong I am all for “wooing” the ladies but I have to draw the line somewhere. Yeah I said it!


$100 dinner (if she only drinks one drink)
$30 flowers (if she likes the basic dozen roses, now you have to wonder about what color to pick in order to send off the right message. What kind of sh*t is that.)
$25 chocolates (minimum, unless she is a hardcore Godiva fan)
$20 haircut (Let’s get real guys, you probably need one)
$40 gas tank (I drive a truck so you can bump that up another 25 bones)
$$$$(insert gift here, no comment on this one)


                  I am going to leave out a lot of anatomical descriptions and in depth science because most of you guys are probably just skimming this to get to the exercises anyways. Don’t tell me I’m wrong. So here they are in easy numbering to help you quickly get what you need and into the gym.



1.) Bent over Row with under hand grip
The Bent over Row is a great exercise to really build some solid strength in your biceps. This is an ideal opportunity to lift some heavy ass weight with those guns of yours. Yes it does work your back but by utilizing an underhand grip (palms facing up) you will be able to target your biceps.

But how much is it going to help me get big arms without curling?

Listen, I know that I can’t curl 275 lbs but I can damn sure bent over row it. This is an opportunity to have your biceps split the load with some back breaking weight. The strength increases in your arms will help you curl more when you do concentrate with isolated curls or other exercises.

How to Perform: To perform this exercise you want to stand about shoulder width apart with your legs slightly bent. With a straight back you want to bend over anywhere between 90 and 45 degrees. To target the biceps stand closer to 45 degrees.

                Next with an underhand grip, grip the bar about shoulder width and let it hang close to your upper shin and knees. Make sure you can keep your spine neutral with the weight your handling. Pull in a controlled motion straight to your navel and lower controlled back to the starting position. Avoid bouncing while performing reps. Stay heavy enough to work hard but not to the point your back loses it’s straight form.

2.) Chin-ups and Weighted Chin-Ups
Chin ups are probably one of the most neglected exercises when it comes to building biceps but when you think about the movement it makes complete sense how it can aid to giant arms. You are pulling up your entire body weight against gravity with your biceps and your back, as it is a common muscle synergy in many exercises.

Even though people at LA fitness and 24 Hour seem allergic to this exercise, don’t avoid it. When bodyweight chin-ups (palms facing you) get easy, put on a dip belt and start adding some weight. There’s nothing more bad ass than a guy doing chin ups for reps with three 45lb plates hanging from his waist.


How to Perform: Go up to a pull-up bar and grab it with a shoulder width or narrower grip. Going narrower I have found puts less focus on your back and more on your biceps. With your palms facing you, pull straight up getting your chest to the bar and then lower yourself to the point where your arms are fully extended. Don’t shorten this motion, you will just look stupid and develop a muscular dysfunction or maybe even a jacked force couple relationship somewhere.

Sample Progression:
Body Weight Chin Ups 3 x 10 reps
Weighted Chin Ups 4 x 8-10 reps

3.) Barbell Curls
When you walk into a weight room anywhere in this country you will see the skinny to medium sized guys curling with cables or dumbbells and the Big Ass Freaky Mother Fu*ker with a string for a shirt screaming his lungs out curling with a barbell. It’s strange to me to think that guys want bigger arms but are afraid of the work to get them. Do you want to look like “Thad” in the corner doing cable curls (no offense to that name) or do you want to look like Thor with veins as thick as D sized batteries.



Try this exercise when you really want to see an increase in both size and strength. With strength work stay in low reps like 4-6, with ball busting weight. For a little size, take some off and still hit it hard for 10-12 reps.

Remember guys, this and all the exercises need to be performed with hernia inducing intensity. Without it you got nothing.

How to Perform: Grab a barbell and load it with a desired weight, Place your hands in varied widths as it will add some diversity to your work. With a straight spine and minimal rocking, tuck your elbows tight to your body and curl the bar up to your chest. Remember this isn’t suppose to be an easy curl, so load on some weight and push yourself.

4.) Hammer curls
This is your most traditional curl but should be performed at vein popping weight. Go heavy since you won’t have to deal with the excessive motion of turning your palms up, you will be able to lift more weight.
How to Perform: With weights hanging at your side, curl with your thumb facing up straight into your armpits. Remember the dumbbell shouldn’t be turning horizontally but remain in the neutral position all the way through the movement. You can perform this movement in two different styles. First you can curl with both arms at the same time or alternating one after another. Both are effective but try both arms at the same time to minimize body rocking.

Sample Progression:
Hammer Curls warm-up x 12 reps
Hammer Curls 4 x 6reps

5.) Pumps, Burn Outs, and other insane Bicep Finishers
These series of workouts are simply the kind that once you get done leave you saying “What the Fu*k!!”. They are nothing but movements to completely exhaust your muscles for true anabolic growth. After each workout with one of these insane finishers, your biceps will be starving for some nutrients, so do me and yourself a favor, and feed those fu*kers.

Running the Racks – This method is commonly used with the bicep curls, palms facing up ladies. Start the movement off with both arms curling at the same time to avoid excessive body rocking because even I can rock up a 70lb single arm curl. To start off you are going to pick a weight you can barely do for a solid 8 reps. From here you are going to go down every 5lbs or 10lbs until you are barely curling those baby ass 10 pound weights. Trust me, don’t be ashamed because the guy giggling at you wouldn’t even be able to curl it on his first set. This is all done back to back.

Sample Progression:
60 pounds x 8 reps
50 pounds x 8 reps
40 pounds x 8 reps
30 pounds x 8 reps
20 pounds x 8 reps
15 pounds x 8 reps


Barbell Complex – The main idea here is time under tension. It is a method that is going to keep your arms under complete muscular tension for an extended period of time. This is also a great way to incorporate a bad ass full body workout while people stare at you wondering what in the hell you are doing.
Load a barbell with a desired weight, go light to start off with since you will be doing a series of movements while continually holding the bar. Remember you will not drop the bar until you finish all the exercises.

Sample Progression:

Front Squat x 8 reps
Bent over Row x 8 reps
Overhead Press X 8 reps
Bicep Curl x 8 reps
Back Squat x 8 reps
Finish all movements, rest 1-2 min, repeat for 2-4 sets.

Closing Words
          Well I hope everyone had a lovely Valentines day, whether you had a lavish night on the town or sat at home with a t.v. dinner. But this month, let's give us guys something we can enjoy and that's big ass muscles. If you didn't have a date this year let's help you now to get one next year and show those ladies what there missing out on. After all, a fit girl probably wants a fit guy. Can you really say no to that!